Teeeheeee

K soooo.... I'm supposed to be working on school work right now but... I'm bored.. lollol..
Teeeheee,
I'm sooo bored!!
I don't feel like doing school work I feel like going home and seeing my boyfriend.. Grrr.
I want to sleep.
I'm bored.
Ugh
This blog is pretty much pointless.
But I really am bored!
Hmm.... I think I'll write now :p I'll write a poem about how bored I am lmao.

March Break

Yay!!!!!
Today's the last day before March Break! =]
I can sleep in all week next week :) I'm so happy!
I also get to see my boyfriend today after school so I'm reeaaaallllyyyyyy excited and happy.
I feel like my boyfriend and I don't see eachother enough so I'm really trying to change that and hopefully he wants to change that too because I really miss him!!
I feel like if we lived closer together then we'd see eachother much more often.
You know what's really weird?
My boyfriend and I have never watched a movie together...
It's strange
He's never really interested in watching a movie with me (I think it's because I'm way too in to chick flicks)
Anyways hopefully things change and my boyfriend and I end up spending more time together.

Happy Happy Happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had an awesome day today =]
I'm starting to form strong friendships and I'm loving it xD
After all life is nothing when you don't have friends

My Lovely Roomate (note the sarcasm)

Today was a pretty good day I guess.
I made friends with someone who I didn't think I had much in common with at first but surprisingly I can relate to him. You can really make friends with anyone you choose to all it takes is understanding and actually listening to someone when they talk, It may seem hard at first but just try your hardest to try and understand what someone is saying and I guarantee you you'll understand that person a whole lot more.
I'm happy that I'm starting to actually LISTEN to people and use better listening skills because listening is incredibly important if you ever want to maintain healthy relationships. Unfortunently I do have the habit of completly changing the topic of what someone is saying into something that I want to talk about but I'm really working on changing that. The thing with me is that I genuinely like talking to people (depending on the person obviously) I just get annoyed when people can't listen properlly and I'd hate to be like that myself.

I mentioned in a previous blog that my mom and I have someone living with us well I'd really like to vent about that because I swear this guy is the most annoying person I've ever met in my entire life. He's like 64 years old and he's a complete POTHEAD like seriously he's smoked so much pot that I don't think he has many brain cells left because he's a complete dumbass. He laughs at things that aren't funny at all and his laugh is the most annoying sound I've ever heard, When he wakes up in the morning he makes these incredibly unnattractive gagging noises (to clear his throat) and it's disgusting, his face makes me want to punch someone (prefferably him) and what's really fucking annoying is how in the morning he wakes me up hel scream "Sarah you up?" And I swear that's just the worst way to start my day. Ugh even writing this right now I can hear him whistling while he's doing the dishes. My mom really makes me angry for keeping him here for this long, he was only supposed to stay with us for 2 weeks and guess how long he's been here? Almost 4 months now. My mom's a pushover, she'll help anyone even if she knows she'll get screwed over in the end, and guess whose the person that has to deal with her when someone screwes her over? That's right me. But honestly lately I've made it a point to avoid her... The second I get home from school I go directly to my room, shut my door, and that's it... I don't come back out. That's the way it is every day. Sometimes I feel like I could really go completly insane from being in my room ALL.THE.TIME. But it's better then being out in the living room with Dumb and Dumber.

The important thing is I won't have to deal with this for much longer... Only about 2 or 3 years and then I'm out on my own. I'm kind of looking forward to being independant and having my own apartment, obviously I'm not mature or responsible enough for that now but who knows what's going to happen in two-three years...

Fucking Frustrated

I seriously just want to go home right now....
I'm doing this stupid novel study and so far I've had to choose two novels to read and the first novel I lost interest in and the second novel I was really excited to do for my novel study but now they won't let me do it because apparently it's not appropiate... Oh my God I just want to go back to bed.
I could get work done at home I don't get why the entire day here can't just be based on therapy I'd really enjoy it more because it can be slightly hard for me to concentrate here at times and I'd rather focus on therapy when I'm here.
It's tuesday which means it's half price movie day (not that I have anyone to go with) I miss going to the movies with my ex bestfriend, we used to have so much fun and tuesday's were like our movie tradition. I'm getting kind of upset just thinking about it because now I never see my ex bestfriend...
:( I just want to go to the movies with her and she doesn't even seem to care about me anymore, I know what you guys are thinking "why don't you just go with your boyfriend?" Well I would but I need a freaking girls night. When I'm with certain people in public I feel comfortable because we don't get embarrassed infront of eachother but with my boyfriend.... It's just different. I love him so much but I also respect him soooo much which makes things a bit more complicated because it's easy to feel intimidated because of that.

I miss tuesday movie nights...
I miss being carefree for at least part of the day.

Stupid Breakfast >.>

I didn't eat breakfast today (I rarely do) and my stomach keeps grumbling... Grr.
I don't like complaining much to people so I never really tell anyone if I'm in pain or something, I don't know I've just always been that way.
I miss my boyfriend even though I just saw him yesterday, I can't help it I can never get enough of him! I'm glad that he feels the same way about me <3 that makes me the happiest girl in the world. I can't help but wonder what he's doing at this exact moment and if he's thinking about me too.
I think I might be seeing my dad this weekend but I'm not sure, I'm never motivated to see him for some reason... It's weird because we always have such a great time.

Melancholy Monday

Gahhh, I'm so tired. I hate Monday's (then again who doesn't?)
I can't wait till I can go home and sleep in my nice comfy bed.
Hopefully I'll be able to see my boyfriend someday soon because I don't think I'm seeing him today :(
Sometimes I can't even tell what kind of mood I'm in... It's really annoying. I mean I'm not exactly happy but I'm also not upset... I think I'm just apathetic.. Like I'm pretty much numb.
I don't really like it, obviously I'd rather be happy but then again being Apathetic is much better then being upset.
I didn't eat breakfast this morning and my stomach keeps grumbling which is always embarrassing.

Grrr...

My Crazy Cousin

I slept over at my grandma's house on friday night (with my cousin) and we had a blast.
My grandma wasn't home so it was just me my cousin and my uncle.
My cousin and I found two bottles of red wine in my grandmas closet (probably there for church) and we both chugged them (yep were going to hell :p) we played never have I ever AND we smoked these weird cigar things that got us kinda high. It was fun until I started throwing up like crazy, now even thinking about red wine makes me gag. We both had pretty bad hangovers the next day and that just wasn't fun.
However we did manage to go to the Eaton Centre and look around there, my cousin was determined to find someone that could sell us pot but that didn't happen (I didn't really mind that we couldn't find any but my cousin sure as hell did LOL)
Before the Eaton Centre we went to this Pot store that sold bongs and stuff and my cousin bought me a pipe :p I'm not really sure when I'll actually be able to use the pipe because I don't really have a reliable source to get me pot right now but hopefully that will change.
My boyfriend doesn't really like me smoking pot and going crazy but you know what? I feel as if my boyfriend's had his time in life to experiment with drugs and alcohol and now this is my time, I know he's just looking out for me and that makes me feel so loved and protected but also I must admit sometimes I can get a bit frustrated only because being a teenager is supposed to be filled with crazy nights and experimenting and I don't want to miss out on all that. But I do understand where my boyfriend is coming from, it's important to not have many crazy nights and it's VERY important not to start relying on drugs and alcohol because that's just going to fuck up your life in the long run.
Getting drunk and totally fucked up is fun ONCE IN A WHILE but there's deffinitly a line that shouldn't be crossed with that and Rajit if you're reading this don't worry I won't cross that line =]

Anyways I better go now, my boyfriend's coming over so I have to clean up my room a bit now xD

-Sarah

You know You're In Love When.....

That person's always on your mind
You can never get enough of him/her
You have really cute nicknames for eachother
You make an effort to know eachother's families
You care about small things as well as the big ones
That person never fails to make you smile
They sometimes give you butterflies
You can't imagine your life without him/her
Your flaws are non-existant in eachother's eyes.
You never get sick of having long talks.
You feel the sparks when you're kissing
You sleep over the phone with eachother
Saying goodbye is always hard
4 hours together only feels like 1
You brag about eachother
You're already a part of eachother's families
Talks about the future aren't scary
Slow dancing is sweet and not uncomfortable.
There are no awckward silences when you're together
It doesn't take much to make eachother happy
You have strong respect for eachother
You try to impress eachother
Valentines day is all of a sudden freakishly important
You're the happiest when you're with him/her
You're proud of eachother, not ashamed
The world's a better place
You're eachother's last thoughts before you go to sleep and first thoughts when you wake up.

Meeting

Today there was a meeting at the program I'm in, my parents doctors and social workers were there and it actually went quite well =] so I'm really happy about that.

I got to spend some time with my dad which was really nice and I enjoyed that, this was the first time I've seen my dad this year.

Tomorrow night I'm sleeping over at my grandmas and my cousin is going to be there who I haven't seen for a couple of months and I'm really excited to see her!!!! Since I'm sleeping over there her and I will probably end up talking all night and I absolutely love the long talks we have. We will literally talk ALL NIGHT it's awesome =] she's actually the only person who I've had really really long personal conversations with. I must admit I wish my boyfriend and I could talk for that long of a time as well but we don't really have all night when were together =[ which sucks because deep personal long conversations are REALLY important to me to have in a relationship (especially because I need to know every single detail about my boyfriend because I love him so much.)

Anyways vampire diaries is on in ten minutes and I can't miss it!!!!! <3

Top Ten Annoying Habits People Have

1) Interrupting someone while their talking
2) Laughing every 5 seconds
3) Only caring about themselves
4) Talking about one thing obsessively
5) People that like to hear themselves talk
6) Procrastinating
7) Controlling
8) Overly needy
9) Overly Suspicious
10) Judgemental

My Cousin

I just found out that I get to see my cousin from Virginia tomorrow!!!!! I only get to see her like twice a year so I'm really happy that I get to sleep over at my grandmas tomorrow with her xD
I'm SOOOOOOO excited right now =] Her and I have a lot of catching up to do :p and when were together I'm telling you right now were trouble!! I'll probably end up getting more piercings (which she does for me.) !! <3 Anyways I'm kinda not supposed to be blogging right now I'm at school lollollol so I better get back to writing this stupid paragraph and David Suzuki... Yawn.
Btw I'm not as tired now ;) (In case ya didn't notice!!!!!)

Exhausted

Lately I've been so tired, I don't even know why I'm this tired right now probably because I'm starting to get in the habit of a routine once again.
Zzzzzzzz...
I have a meeting today with my parents doctors and social worker so I'm kinda worried about that.
As long as I don't fall asleep during the meeting I'll be fine ;)

My cutieeee

My boyfriend just left about 15 mins ago :( I miss him like crazy already!
I wish he could just sleep over more often. I love being with him and when he leaves it's so hard to say goodbye every single time. It's awful.
I miss him :( Grrrrrr......

Urggggghhhhhhh

I'm really dissapointed right now :(
I was supposed to make my boyfriend dinner but my roomate bought dinner for tonight... >.>
I just wanted to do something sweet for my boyfriend............. grrrrrr.

Love Is The Answer

I wish I was home right now I'm so freaking tired.
Luckily I get to see my boyfriend today which I'm really happy about I can't wait to see him!!!!!! I'm so excited, that's pretty much the only thing that's getting me through the day right now.
I'm cooking dinner for him tonight so hopefully it goes well and he enjoys it.
Usually when we hang out together we cuddle and talk for a bit =] it's really nice, sometimes well go out like to Tim Hortons but I'm still struggling to go out with him because of my SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder.)
I always love it when I'm with him though, I feel like when were together the world is just... right, you know? Like my problems are non-existant and I'm just happy, safe and content. It's the best feeling in the world and I hate it when he leaves. One day he won't leave though.. When I say that I mean in the future were going to be living together <3 I can't wait for that day and I think about it a lot.
I'm such a romantic :p I just can't help it though!! There's a reason the media is all over it and what not it's because love is the closest thing we humans have to magic and it's truly worth anything just to feel it.

Spaggheti love and education

Today was a pretty good day.
I feel like I'm really starting to develop a routine and get my academic life progressing more.
I'm excited about thursday because I get to see my boyfriend =] I'm making him dinner for the first time (spagetti I think) and honestly I'm nervous because I'm not the best cook in the world and I've never attempted to cook anything for my boyfriend before, to add even more pressure I know it's important to him that I can cook so I can be a good wife for the future... Blah blah blah, but yeah that's so much pressure for me and I feel like I just want to be perfect for him but it's impossible.
I'll let you guys know how the whole attempting to cook thing goes (not that many people read my blogs yet.) 
I started this book called "Willow" the other day and it's really good, I deffinitly recommend it so far. (I'm kinda a book worm xD )
Anyways I'm talking to my boyfriend on the phone now I'll post another blog soon!!!!! =)

Invisibility

Sometimes I really wish I had the power to go invisible whenever I wanted to. That way I could easily keep to myself and have time to reflect more. Not that I mind all people it's just when I'm on the TTC and stuff I can feel  slightly overwhelmed and uncomfortable at times. I don't understand why random people feel the need to talk to me when clearly they don't know me. There's nothing wrong with making friends but there's also a time and place for that and a way of not seeming so freaking intimidating.
I sometimes think I've invented my own world and sometimes I forget about the real world. It's weird but it happens from time to time.

Apathetic

I don't enjoy feeling this way.
I feel as if I'm numb and I'm stuck in my own world far away from everyone else.
I don't want to feel so isolated and lost and sometimes I don't even know why I feel this way.
I want it to stop.
The one thing I can do to feel better isn't good for me but I'm starting to not care so much about that.
My mom seems to never want to spend time with me, my boyfriend's usually busy, I don't have a best girlfriend anymore because the one I did have is jelous of all the time I'd like to spend with my boyfriend.
It's not that I'm trying to think negatively but honestly sometimes it can be really hard.
I'm grateful for the good in my life and I'm learning to apply useful stratagies to my life but sometimes holding onto hope is hard...

There's a difference between being alive and living and I want to live.