Apathetic

I don't enjoy feeling this way.
I feel as if I'm numb and I'm stuck in my own world far away from everyone else.
I don't want to feel so isolated and lost and sometimes I don't even know why I feel this way.
I want it to stop.
The one thing I can do to feel better isn't good for me but I'm starting to not care so much about that.
My mom seems to never want to spend time with me, my boyfriend's usually busy, I don't have a best girlfriend anymore because the one I did have is jelous of all the time I'd like to spend with my boyfriend.
It's not that I'm trying to think negatively but honestly sometimes it can be really hard.
I'm grateful for the good in my life and I'm learning to apply useful stratagies to my life but sometimes holding onto hope is hard...

There's a difference between being alive and living and I want to live.